


A Pack of Smokes

by moonwillow27458



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Pre-Canon, Self-Harm, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Smoking, Young Dean Winchester, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonwillow27458/pseuds/moonwillow27458
Summary: Sam Winchester knows that smoking is harmful to the body. He thinks that's why he started.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	A Pack of Smokes

**Author's Note:**

> okay so there is some suicidal ideation in this, it's kinda dark for a short fic about smoking. be aware of the trigger warnings and please click off if you think it will trigger you!!

"You know that'll kill you, right?"

Sam was sixteen and sat in the parking lot of a library. Latest small town, the goth kids let him hang out with them. Said no one goes to the library anymore. Sam doesn't tell them that he spends half his life in and out of libraries, that he actually liked them. Because for once, a group of kids liked him. Shared their cigarettes with him. One was resting in his fingers, the ash threatening to drop off.

And there was Dean, leant against the hood of the Impala. Still wearing the overalls from his latest mechanic job.

"Who's the narc," Sam's friend, Becca, snarked. She took another drag of her cig and blew smoke in Dean's direction.

"It's just my brother," Sam said. Ground the butt of his smoke on the sidewalk. "What d'ya want?"

And he was sighing, because Dean and Dad always wanted him for something. Couldn't even get the time to smoke anymore.

"Dad needs our help with something," Dean said. He sent a wary glance towards the group of kids Sam was sat with. "Pastor Jim got hurt and, and he needs a hand taking care of things."

Vague, but Sam understood. If his friends really knew that his dad was hunting a wendigo then they would probably think he was insane. Or maybe cool. Suzie and Jay seemed really into their occult shit, even if it was just to scare their parents.

"Are you coming or what?"

"Yeah, yeah jerk give me a minute to get up."

And Dean laughed a little, and said, "bitch." But he helped Sam off the floor.

Sam muttered a quick goodbye to the goths, dounted he would ever see them again. It wasn't even sad anymore, Sam had gotten used to not getting the time to say goodbye properly. He would miss Suzie's menthols though.

The drive was quiet. Sam had no idea where Dad was, knew he was in the same state but God only knew where. Drive could take forever, and Dean was being so quiet. It wasn't like him. Sabbath was playing on the tape player, but he wasn't even tapping his fingers to the beat. Sam kept looking out the window, watched the scenery fly by.

"You do know smoking will kill you, right?" Dean said eventually. So that's what he was all worried about.

"I know."

"Then why are you doing it? I thought you knew better, Sammy."

And Sam bit his lip. Because he couldn't tell Dean that he liked the way his lungs felt like they were burning up. He'd been struggling to breathe for years, smoking wasn't making it any harder than it already was. And he wasn't exactly afraid of dying.

"I dunno," Sam shrugged. "Makes things easier, I guess."

"By giving you cancer, yeah right," Dean rolled his eyes. Took them off the road to look at Sam. "You know you need your lungs to hunt? Monsters'll catch up on ya if you get out of breath."

"I know," Sam said. Didn't tell Dean that was the point. If his lungs were black and rotted at least he wouldn't have to hunt anymore.

"And you don't care?"

"Dean, can you just drop it," Sam said. Fast, too fast. And Dean knew something was up. Sam couldn't tell him, but damn if he wasn't smart enough to figure it out himself.

Dean nodded. Eyes back on the road. Wouldn't, couldn't look at Sam. And when the tape reached the end, Dean didn't move to flip it.

"Does Dad know?" Dean asked.

"Dad doesn't know anything about me, Dean," Sam huffed. "Doesn't want to know anymore. Doubt he'll even care."

"Dad'll care that you're killing yourself."

"It's the same as throwing yourselves into hunts, or- or drinking yourselves to death. You guys have your vices and I got mine."

Dean pursed his lips. There was no argument, Sam had backed him into a corner. And he felt so proud about it, until he saw the look in Dean's face. His brother, tough as shit big brother, looked like he was about to cry. And that made Sam's chest hurt. Way more than any cigarette he'd ever smoked.

Dean pulled the car to the side of the road. 

"Promise me you'll not go too far," Dean said. His hands were on the steering wheel, white knuckle grip. Eyes down to the ground. "Just, promise me you won't actually kill yourself."

And Sam gulped. "De, I..." He paused because what could he say. Yeah the smokes were killing him but God the life was killing him more. But Dean's shoulders were shaking in a way Sam had never seen. Not even when Dad came back only half alive after hunts.

"De, I'll cut back, okay? I'll try."

He would try. But there was a crumpled box of cigs in his jacket pocket and all he wanted was to set himself on fire.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> I am going to add more chapters to this fic at some point, Sam smoking as a coping mechanism throughout the show's timeline. If there's anything specific you wanna see let me know!!
> 
> You can request fics over at my tumblr [benevolentsam](https//benevolentsam.tumblr.com) I have a lot of time over winter break and while I'll be working on some big fic projects I am happy to take small requests here and there!!


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